Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
