Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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