You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
