I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
