I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
