Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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