Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize