sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
