You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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