I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
