i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
