a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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