Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
