You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
