why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
