its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
