Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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