remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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