The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
