He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
