Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize