it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
