waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize