I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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