Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
