It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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