I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
