We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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