uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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