is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize