I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
