Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He did a backflip because drugs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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