im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This house was built for laser tag.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
