How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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