Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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