Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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