You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
