well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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