My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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