I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
