i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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