Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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