I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
