if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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