Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There's always time for handjobs
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
