I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize