***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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