i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
