I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
