no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
