belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
