yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
