i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
