Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
