dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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