I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
