He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
