Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I need to align my fucking chakras
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
