Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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