You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
