He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my being single is dangerous.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
