And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
