1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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