the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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