my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
