Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
