Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
