I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
