you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
