shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize